"I'm amazing"

Kevin and I take the children out on dates once a month.  One month he has Olivia and I have Benjamin.  The next month we switch.  Last night Benjamin and I went out on our date. We had to head home early, so we finished up our date this morning by going to garage sales.  As we were driving I asked Benjamin to tell me something about himself that I didn't know.  He said, "How about I'm amazing?!"  I told him I already knew that.  He laughed and said, "How about I'm amazingly funny!?" 

Yup, he sure is!  He makes me smile.

"We are like da sheeps"

I was standing in the kitchen on Thursday morning trying to cook breakfast for the children.  It had been a very hard week, so I was having a hard time keeping it together.  I'm stirring oatmeal and crying.  Olivia is sitting in a chair behind me chattering away as Olivia does.  Then she says, "Mommy, do you know Jesus is a shepherd and we are like da sheeps?  And he pick us up berrrrry gentle and HOLD US!"  Then she continued chattering. 

Oh how I needed to hear that!  Sweet little baby speaking words to soothe me when I need them.....

"Out of the mouths of babes......"

Too big to wrap

Olivia says, "Mommy, what do you want for Mudder's day?" I tell her, "I'd like a hotel."  Without missing a beat, Olivia rolls her eyes (!) and says, "Mommy. That is too big to wrap. You know dat!"

What I should be doing....

...finishing my grocery list.  I started it about 10.5 hours ago.  Yeah....about that.

What I am doing....Everything but that.  I have checked on a washing machine part for my brother-in-law, looked up how to write I LOVE YOU in some binary form, looked at a low carb website while eating cake, and even considered doing the 30 Day Shred exercise video (I ruled that out after the whole "eat cake" thing).

I had better go do it.  I wish Mom was here already.  She is the one person I know who actually LIKES to cook.  She cooks almost all day long.  It's insane.  I'm glad she's coming to visit, but I'm even happier that she's insane!!  6 days and counting......

Baby steps

Today I danced around the kitchen with my Livi girl.  We like Adele. Benjamin came in and joined us very briefly.  I love to see him dance.  He is shy about it, but it makes me smile.

We had lunch with Kevin.  Benjamin called Kevin to tell him that he got a 100% on his spelling test, and then invited Kevin to lunch.  It was sweet.  I love that Olivia sticks her hand in the mouth of the lion statue in front of the restaurant and then hollers, "Daddy!  Help me!  Save me!"  

Olivia "helped" me mop.  She is actually really enjoying helping me clean as long as we're together.  I sort of like it.  She also hung out with me and chit chatted while I scrubbed the tub.  :oD

Benjamin spent the last part of the evening curled up in my bed reading on my Kindle.  I love that he is reading long chapter books now.  It's exciting to see him really get into a good book.  I can't wait to see what it is he likes.

Kevin came home from work feeling nice.  He wrote an important email and was very pleased with himself.  I am pleased with him too.  It's nice to see him shine.

Tamryn and the kids came for dinner tonight.  I made a cajun soup and biscuits.  Yum.  We played a game called Carcassonne.  It's a really fun strategy game (I only say that because I won. Otherwise I don't use strategy and fun in the same sentence.  The game was fun though!) and had a great time talking.  Dessert?  I got to watch Tam's little girl take her first steps.  That was special.  This is the kind of thing I love....dinner with friends, playing games, talking, enjoying the children. 

Kevin and I wrapped up the evening with an episode of Little House on the Prairie.  I love that show.  This one was about when Dr. Baker falls in love with a young woman named Kate, but decides that he can't marry her because he is old enough to be her father.  I didn't realize it until halfway through the show, but Kevin is a lot older than me, and I'm sure glad that he never changed his mind.  I don't know what I'd ever do without that man!

Ahhhhh....happy sigh.  Thank you, God, for this life.

Goodbye Facebook. Hello Life.

I've said it many times in the past 6 months, but I've never actually done it.  There were many reasons that I "needed" to be on Facebook.  I followed my coupon blogs on there.  That is where my Free Kindle Books listing was. Who would take care of the giant fake mansions that I built with the profits from my burgeoning carrotsicles crop?!! The most important reason was that all of my pictures were on Facebook and how do I get them off? 

When I got to thinking about it, all of those things were rather ridiculous.  I can click right over to my coupon blogs and Kindle websites.  I can take my pictures off of Facebook (FYI...it's tedious!).  I can plant real flowers with my children!!  I can actually live my life without Facebook.  I may actually be able to live the kind of life that people pretend to live on Facebook because I'd have the time to do so. 

If I were to be completely honest, I didn't want to leave.  I can keep up with what everyone else is up to!  I can see my sister's coworker's uncle's vacation pictures from their exorbitant vacation to a little known island.  Or, to state it correctly, I can look into the lives of other people whom I don't really have anything to do with on any given day.  Then I walk away feeling lonely and less-than.

I think that this is where Facebook was crippling for me.  I want to be honest here.  I have, for all of my life, struggled with self-esteem issues.  Facebook did not help this!!   On Facebook, I had about 85 "friends."  In the last month do you know how many of those "friends" called, wrote, or visited me?  Six...and that number includes my mother and 2 sisters.  Pre-Facebook, this would have been just fine.  That would have brought contentment.  My mother and sisters are my favorite friends.  The other three people are ones that are very near and dear to me.  To have that many people close to my heart should be enough, but I found myself being discontent.  This realization was the start for me. 

I started to feel very sad that none of these 85 people were actually active in my life.  I started to look at the pictures of my 85 "friends" and ask myself, "Why am I never included in these dinners, outings, play dates, cooking dates, etc etc etc.?"  I saw pictures of what other people were doing with their children and questioned my own mothering.  I started to wonder what was wrong with me.  I started to wonder about my worth.

But, you know what, I do indeed get out with my friends.  We have fun!  I do indeed take my children to fun places.  We cook together and play games and act silly.  I just don't write about all of that or put up pictures of every teeny tiny thing that we do.  There's also a lot of regular life that happens.  Some days my children don't listen.  Some days I yell.  Some days I don't get out of pajamas.  Some days we eat oatmeal for dinner.  Those are the things that happen in everyone's lives, but they don't talk about it.  So, not factoring that in was really skewing my view of what was real.

I realized that I'd rather talk to my friends on the phone and hear their voices.  I'd like to know how her day really was and be able to tell from the inflection in her voice if there's something deeper.  I don't want to just know that "Today Bubbanator and Lil' Bub Jr. III went to Al's BBQd things while I rested at home."  I want to know that she was disappointed that she didn't get to go dig into some BBQd things.  Or I want to hear that she is excited that she actually got to stay home and paint all 10 fingernails at once! 

I want real life and not just a picture that I put a fictional story to.  I don't want to be given permission to be lazy and not call simply because I feel like I already know everything that is going on.  Because, in reality, I don't.  






 

Just ask.

We've all heard "you have not because you ask not."  I have heard it in countless sermons and seen it written in several places, but I confess that it has always just been "sermon talk" to me. Tonight I understand it. 

I have not because I ask not.....not because the Lord doesn't want me to have it, but because I haven't bothered to ask Him for it.  I haven't given Him the time to say, "Oh, sure!  Why not?"  It's like my own children.  For instance, today Olivia wanted a pear.  There really was no good reason NOT to give it to her, but I wouldn't have necessarily thought to do it.  Then she asked, and I thought, "Well, sure.  Why not?"  She said thank you and walked away happily munching on her little green treasure.  Olivia asks for stuff all of the time!  I often say no, but later she asks for something new....sometimes she asks for the same thing again.  The point is that she asks!!  For all of the "no" responses she may get, she still knows that, if it is something that is good for her, there is a very good chance that I'll say ok.

Really, how simple is this?  How did I not get this?  I'm a smart girl.  I read my Bible.  I know it says ask.  How did this one little thing fly right over my head?  How many little green treasures could I have walked away with had I simply asked? 

I sort of feel like a whole new world of possibilities has opened up to me.  How generous is He?!  I'm going to ask!  You ask!!  Oh where to start? 

Where are you going to start?