Goodbye Facebook. Hello Life.

I've said it many times in the past 6 months, but I've never actually done it.  There were many reasons that I "needed" to be on Facebook.  I followed my coupon blogs on there.  That is where my Free Kindle Books listing was. Who would take care of the giant fake mansions that I built with the profits from my burgeoning carrotsicles crop?!! The most important reason was that all of my pictures were on Facebook and how do I get them off? 

When I got to thinking about it, all of those things were rather ridiculous.  I can click right over to my coupon blogs and Kindle websites.  I can take my pictures off of Facebook (FYI...it's tedious!).  I can plant real flowers with my children!!  I can actually live my life without Facebook.  I may actually be able to live the kind of life that people pretend to live on Facebook because I'd have the time to do so. 

If I were to be completely honest, I didn't want to leave.  I can keep up with what everyone else is up to!  I can see my sister's coworker's uncle's vacation pictures from their exorbitant vacation to a little known island.  Or, to state it correctly, I can look into the lives of other people whom I don't really have anything to do with on any given day.  Then I walk away feeling lonely and less-than.

I think that this is where Facebook was crippling for me.  I want to be honest here.  I have, for all of my life, struggled with self-esteem issues.  Facebook did not help this!!   On Facebook, I had about 85 "friends."  In the last month do you know how many of those "friends" called, wrote, or visited me?  Six...and that number includes my mother and 2 sisters.  Pre-Facebook, this would have been just fine.  That would have brought contentment.  My mother and sisters are my favorite friends.  The other three people are ones that are very near and dear to me.  To have that many people close to my heart should be enough, but I found myself being discontent.  This realization was the start for me. 

I started to feel very sad that none of these 85 people were actually active in my life.  I started to look at the pictures of my 85 "friends" and ask myself, "Why am I never included in these dinners, outings, play dates, cooking dates, etc etc etc.?"  I saw pictures of what other people were doing with their children and questioned my own mothering.  I started to wonder what was wrong with me.  I started to wonder about my worth.

But, you know what, I do indeed get out with my friends.  We have fun!  I do indeed take my children to fun places.  We cook together and play games and act silly.  I just don't write about all of that or put up pictures of every teeny tiny thing that we do.  There's also a lot of regular life that happens.  Some days my children don't listen.  Some days I yell.  Some days I don't get out of pajamas.  Some days we eat oatmeal for dinner.  Those are the things that happen in everyone's lives, but they don't talk about it.  So, not factoring that in was really skewing my view of what was real.

I realized that I'd rather talk to my friends on the phone and hear their voices.  I'd like to know how her day really was and be able to tell from the inflection in her voice if there's something deeper.  I don't want to just know that "Today Bubbanator and Lil' Bub Jr. III went to Al's BBQd things while I rested at home."  I want to know that she was disappointed that she didn't get to go dig into some BBQd things.  Or I want to hear that she is excited that she actually got to stay home and paint all 10 fingernails at once! 

I want real life and not just a picture that I put a fictional story to.  I don't want to be given permission to be lazy and not call simply because I feel like I already know everything that is going on.  Because, in reality, I don't.