My need to stockpile

I thought that I'd post a bit about my need to stockpile things. I have to be careful to not go overboard. I have, many times, blown our "Consumables" budget because of my need to have full pantries and freezers. A few weeks ago I finally talked to Kevin about it, and last night I talked about it with a dear friend. I want to preface the rest of this story by saying that my parents have, in recent years, both accepted the Lord and are working through their problems!!! He is so amazing! I grew up in a family full of addicts: drugs, alcohol, pills, you name it. My parents spent most of their time gone. I was responsible for my 2 younger sisters. We never had any money. When I say "any money" that is exactly what I mean. I remember fishing quarters out of the sofa in order to have lunch at school. We also went through long periods of time where there was no food. I don't mean that we didn't have any food that sounded good. I mean that our shelves and refrigerator were EMPTY. Sometimes our neighbors would bring things over when our parents weren't home. I also remember that our clothing was quite terrible. I often went to school with shoes that had the soles flapping. My jeans were almost always too short. I got picked on a lot. I swore that I would never let these things happen to my children! So now, I tend to buy more food than we need and more clothing than we need. I cannot bear to think of my children being hungry or shabbily dressed. I realize that they are not, but somewhere in the back of my mind is this fear of "what if..." I also realize that this is something that I am going to have to hand over to the Lord and trust Him to help me work through. I'll freely admit that this is something that I have a very hard time. I also recognize that there are so many people in the world who have so much less....or nothing at all. My husband used to remind me of this often and, for some reason, it would infuriate me. I would tell him, "But we aren't them!" Oh, how miserable I feel for that attitude. So, here is the redeeming value in all of this mess. I have been blessed with a hard-working husband who earns a good salary. I have been blessed with the brains to know how to stockpile things. I have been blessed with (and by) a God who has given me the realization that my previous thoughts were unhealthy. I have been blessed with full pantries, cabinets, freezers and most importantly, a full (or filling, if we want to be completely honest) heart. And, oh, how shameful it would be to not share these blessings with others!! Lately, I find that I desire to give these things away. I have made packages from my "stash" for several people. I can tell you that it feels much better to be able to give these things to others than it does to horde it all for my own family. Interesting how God works, isn't it? I believe that God is doing HUGE things in my life right now, and I think that being able to talk about this is a great step for me. I tend to keep these sorts of things to myself lest I be vulnerable and get hurt. But, I find that He is showing me that He has allowed me to go through these things because there is a greater good to it all even if it is uncomfortable in the moment. One thing that I love about all of this realization (and don't think for a second that I love it all of the time) is that I feel so much lighter inside. It's like one weight after another is being lifted. Well, there you have it. I can be serious, but it certainly doesn't come to me as easily. So, now you can read about my great coupon deals and know that, for me, it is so much deeper than, "Hey, I got this for free."